Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.

— Oscar Wilde.

As we close out this year, it can be easy to get caught up in regrets and resentments. Our brains are programed to focus on the negative (yuk!). However, it is important to take 20 or 30 minutes and reflect on the past 360 or so days. Try to identify 100 things that went well this year. Yes, you can include things like woke up every morning, have a job, have a roof over my head, kids are healthy… I know 100 seems like a lot, but that will push you to reframe some of the unpleasant stuff.

For the things that irritate you , try to change your perspective. We have a new puppy named Lilly who is teething right now. Every day she tears something up. Usually it is paper or cardboard or a dog toy (I am lucky), but it still makes a mess all over the house. I could get irritable, or I could focus on the pleasure it brings me to have been able to save her life (she was dumped in my neighborhood) and know how this phase will pass. She has also been great for my boxer, Brewster who was getting sort of pudgy. They play like crazy now. I am glad he has a little buddy.

I could get irritated about the fact that it has been cloudy and kinda gross for a week now. Or, I could focus on the fact that God is washing my car and watering my garden for me—and I am grateful it hasn’t gotten any colder than it has. And…maybe… the clouds will give way to snow. I do love snow (especially before it gets dirty.

I could focus on bills or things that break in the house, or I could be grateful that I have a house and can afford to fix the things that go wrong (or my husband does it!).

I could be upset that I injured my knee and cannot run for 2 more months, or I could be grateful that I can still do the elliptical, I am able to get up and down stairs again and the rest of my health is really quite good.

I could regret not getting my book finished by the end of the year, or I could remember that I chose to spend my time this year with my kids instead of working 60-hour weeks. They will both be leaving for college soon. It was a choice, and I think I chose wisely.

Did I make some bad choices this year, probably, but when I think of them, I will try to reframe them as learning experiences. Explore why I made that choice and what I could do differently the next time.

Failure simply means we have stepped outside our comfort zone and learned one more way not to do something.

Rejection simply means we were not a good fit for that particular situation. Nobody is the perfect fit for every situation.

Bad things happen. You survived. You can see yourself as a victim or reclaim your power and embrace the survivor within.

Grief means you lost something that was important to you. It doesn’t mean the memories are gone. Every relationship and experience we have changes us (hopefully for the better. Think of loss like the end of a season on your favorite television show. Things change for the next season, but the plot and characters are forever influenced by the past.

As you approach the next year, embrace problems as challenges, believe in your lovability as a person, recognize that you have the power to make choices, set goals and achieve them (but remember they can be adjusted if your priorities change.)

Anger, depression, anxiety, resentment and guilt are all normal emotions. It is what you do with them that can be helpful or hurtful. Nurturing the emotion and dwelling on it just drains your energy. Changing your perspective or learning and changing are much more effective uses for your energy.

In peace!

Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes