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Life is 10% Reality 90% Interpretation

Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.
— Oscar Wilde.

As we close out this year, it can be easy to get caught up in regrets and resentments. Our brains are programed to focus on the negative (yuk!). However, it is important to take 20 or 30 minutes and reflect on the past 360 or so days. Try to identify 100 things that went well this year. Yes, you can include things like woke up every morning, have a job, have a roof over my head, kids are healthy… I know 100 seems like a lot, but that will push you to reframe some of the unpleasant stuff.

For the things that irritate you , try to change your perspective. We have a new puppy named Lilly who is teething right now. Every day she tears something up. Usually it is paper or cardboard or a dog toy (I am lucky), but it still makes a mess all over the house. I could get irritable, or I could focus on the pleasure it brings me to have been able to save her life (she was dumped in my neighborhood) and know how this phase will pass. She has also been great for my boxer, Brewster who was getting sort of pudgy. They play like crazy now. I am glad he has a little buddy.

I could get irritated about the fact that it has been cloudy and kinda gross for a week now. Or, I could focus on the fact that God is washing my car and watering my garden for me—and I am grateful it hasn’t gotten any colder than it has. And…maybe… the clouds will give way to snow. I do love snow (especially before it gets dirty.

I could focus on bills or things that break in the house, or I could be grateful that I have a house and can afford to fix the things that go wrong (or my husband does it!).

I could be upset that I injured my knee and cannot run for 2 more months, or I could be grateful that I can still do the elliptical, I am able to get up and down stairs again and the rest of my health is really quite good.

I could regret not getting my book finished by the end of the year, or I could remember that I chose to spend my time this year with my kids instead of working 60-hour weeks. They will both be leaving for college soon. It was a choice, and I think I chose wisely.

Did I make some bad choices this year, probably, but when I think of them, I will try to reframe them as learning experiences. Explore why I made that choice and what I could do differently the next time.

Failure simply means we have stepped outside our comfort zone and learned one more way not to do something.

Rejection simply means we were not a good fit for that particular situation. Nobody is the perfect fit for every situation.

Bad things happen. You survived. You can see yourself as a victim or reclaim your power and embrace the survivor within.

Grief means you lost something that was important to you. It doesn’t mean the memories are gone. Every relationship and experience we have changes us (hopefully for the better. Think of loss like the end of a season on your favorite television show. Things change for the next season, but the plot and characters are forever influenced by the past.

As you approach the next year, embrace problems as challenges, believe in your lovability as a person, recognize that you have the power to make choices, set goals and achieve them (but remember they can be adjusted if your priorities change.)

Anger, depression, anxiety, resentment and guilt are all normal emotions. It is what you do with them that can be helpful or hurtful. Nurturing the emotion and dwelling on it just drains your energy. Changing your perspective or learning and changing are much more effective uses for your energy.

In peace!

Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes

Baby and adult brains ‘sync up’ during play

Summary: Researchers detect measurable similarities in brain activity between babies and adults during play.

Source: Princeton University

Have you ever played with a baby and felt a sense of connection, even though they couldn’t yet talk to you.

A team of Princeton researchers has conducted the first study of how baby and adult brains interact during natural play, and they found measurable similarities in their neural activity.

Alcohol and depression

In this article, learn more about the links between alcohol and depression , as well as when to see a doctor.

Alcohol can make a person feel depressed and may even trigger or worsen depression. Depression is also a risk factor for using alcohol, since people who feel depressed may use alcohol to ease their symptoms.

Why Good Communication Skills are Important with Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes

Social relationships are one of the greatest buffers against stress, but poor communication or unhealthy relationships tend to also be one of the greatest sources of stress. Communication has three components: words, voice tone and non-verbal clues. Of these, some are more effective in delivering a message than others. According to research, in a conversation or verbal exchange: words deliver 7% of the message, tone of voice communicates 43% and non-verbal behavior (physical postures) communicates the other 50%. In other words, what you say is not nearly as important as how you say it. If you spend much time in chat rooms, think about how many times you were not sure of the exact meaning of a message…

There are many different reasons that messages can become distorted for both the listener and the receiver. We must learn to listen better and speak more clearly. We can do this by checking whether our message is delivered correctly and whether we have heard a message clearly.

Techniques that help achieve such understanding include the use of “perception checking” questions and paraphrased responses. For instance, after you explain to a trainee the use of force matrix, you can give her/him a scenario to apply it to. This makes sure you were heard. One word of caution, the use of perception checking questions takes some practice and it can be tricky not to sound condescending.

Another way to enhance communication is by practicing your listening skills. As you listen to where people misinterpret what you say, you will find ways to make it clearer. Paraphrased responses help with listening skills and help very much in averting communication breakdowns because the misinterpretation is caught right away. You can spot paraphrased responses a mile away in first year counseling students because they always begin with something like “So what you are saying is. . .” Most people at least credit the person for trying to listen. You will become more proficient at it as you practice, practice, practice…

In terms of the wellness model, improving communication skills will:

reduce the amount of energy you expend on your relationships by reducing the number of misunderstandings,
help you be heard the first time
possibly give you confidence to speak more.

The improvement in your relationships will

contribute to a sense of emotional well-being
help you concentrate because the relationship problems you used to dwell on are improving
improve physical health by reducing overall stress
probably increase, by default, the quality and quantity of sleep you are able to get if you are not up until 2am arguing.

Communication skills also greatly impact your work by

helping you more efficiently get through calls (victims feel heard the first time)
making you more able to de-escalate a situation by getting to the root of the problem more quickly
help you write reports more efficiently
help reduce the number of complaints you get for being “rude.”

Imagine how much more pleasant work and life in general would be…

Fun Free (or Almost) Family Activities

Most people are not happy to tell you their husband bought the farm, but mine actually did. He bought me a farm! I am like a little Eddie Albert (Green Acres). “Greeen Acres is the place to be!. Farrrm livin’ is the life for me…” I digress. I have no clue what I am doing, but I am learning. People are feeling the financial crunch all around, but —okay, brace yourself for the rose-colored glasses— through the loss of some of our activities, we can find others that actually bring the family closer together. As the cost of gas and utilities climb, we have to find ways to cut corners. For example, hunting and camping, while often recreational, can be a great time for families to reconnect, and can help put meat on the table. Yup! Now you have an excuse to go out hunting with the guys (as long as you dress your own deer).

For non-hunters and smaller children, gardening is another inexpensive hobby. It is awesome to see your kids faces light up when they announce that what they are eating came out of their garden. Even if you are short on space, there is a new method called square-foot gardening (squarefootgardening.com) which eliminates much of the wasted space and time of traditional gardening. Don’t want to spend lots of money on raised beds? Try using old tires. You can plant giant liriope or another short evergreen around it to hide the tire, use mortar and let your kids stick small stones on it to make something of a mosaic, or paint it and turn it into a conversation piece. The first year you will have to shell out the cash for some good planting soil, but after that, you can have compost just waiting for each planting season. Visit your county’s waste management site to find free or low cost composting bins. These are most practical for most yards, as they keep the insects to a minimum and are less obtrusive than a wire bin. Another cool option, although a bit more expensive to start, is vermicomposting. That is, using worms to make the compost. There are many sites to help you along in this, and kids love to play with the worms. (Oh, and if you fish, you have a constant supply of big, fat red wigglers). See the following website for more information: http://www.dnr.state.wi.us/org/caer/ce/eek/earth/recycle/compost2.htm Still a third option in many places are community gardens which are hosted in the local parks and other green space areas. This works well, because if you have ever had a garden, you know that inevitably, you produce more than you can eat. In community gardens, you have the opportunity to share/exchange parts of your harvest and get tips from more experienced gardeners.

Not everyone is interested in hunting, fishing or gardening, but there are other ways you can save.

Other things you can do to save money and spend quality time with the family:

Order off the internet. Until shipping prices catch up with gas, it is still often cheaper to have stuff delivered straight to you. You can also get many things cheaper from online stores because they have lower overhead, and you can replace time you would have spent at the store with your family J
Take up the lost art of bike riding again.
Spend the afternoon at the library—not only do they keep it really cool in there, but you can also check out movies and computer games—oh, and books too.
Netflix marathons!
Do all your cooking for the week on one day so you only have to heat up the house once.
Run the dryer and dishwasher when you are not home, so you are not heating the house while you are there.
Invest in a pool. You do not have to get fancy, just a place to cool off and splash around. The kids will never want to come in. (Mine try to convince me that the pool is a good substitute for a bath!)
Make a water slide out of old shower curtain liners. (Add a bit of liquid soap to make it extra slippery) (Note: Do not try this in a dormitory hallway. You get in a LOT of trouble J )
Let the kids play in the sprinklers while you water the lawn. Put a little shampoo in their hair for a great redneck shower.
Play in the rain.
Have water-gun fights. Add a bit of food coloring to the water and wear old clothes you can play a cheaper version of paint ball.
Organize a sports “league” in your neighborhood. Most younger kids don’t care about going to tournaments. They are just as happy with a scrimmage, and it lets them get their energy out.
Set aside one day each week to have a games day in your neighborhood. Party/kids games like sharks and minnows, red light green light, dodge ball, balloon stomp, blob tag/amoeba tag, balloon war, blowing bubbles (dogs love to pop ‘em), crack the whip and much more!
Make a petting zoo! If your neighbors have a variety of animals, bring them out for a day of learning. You can also invite local pet rescues to come and teach about their animals. Go to petfinder.com to find out about the types of rescues in your area.
Volunteer to foster an animal—all the love and none of the cost. Most pet rescue organizations pay for all of the food, toys and vet bills of your fosters. This is another great way to teach responsibility.

The possibilities are endless. Ask yourself, what did my parents used to do when they were kids? Believe it or not, there was life before cable and the internet.

Gardening for (Mental) Health

During these dreary days of winter it is easy to get antsy to start planning the spring garden, but alas, Mother Nature has different plans. This year I am trying my hand at hydroponics using the Kratky method. I am starting small with two boxes and just trying to see if I can get spinach, cabbage and kale to sprout. The leafy greens do not do great outside here in Zone 7b because there is really no spring…we go from summer to winter back to summer. When daytime temps rise above 80 degrees, or are less than 60 most leafy greens don’t grow well.

I find growing my own food both therapeutic because it provides a sense of accomplishment and healthy because I use all organic methods and use the food as soon as it is harvested in most cases, preserving the nutrient value.

In the Spring I will be trying the Ruth Stout method of organic gardening. When you till the soil, you mess up the microbiome. The Ruth Stout method is no-till. I’m all about that since we till by hand instead of using a pollution producing, gas guzzling machine. 🙂 To get ready for that, I have collected brown cardboard from local furniture and appliance stores to lay down as the first layer of mulch so it can start to decompose during the winter and attract earthworms. We just tore the nasty carpet out of our house (finally) so I will put that over the cardboard to keep it from blowing off (bottom side up) and cover it with some used straw from the barn. The carpet can be moved in the spring to allow me to put down mulch and begin planting.

Anyhow, gardening even on a small scale has been shown to improve mental health and heck, I am saving a bundle by growing my own organics!

Laughter is the Best Medicine (Sometimes)

Laughter is the best medicine!

It occurred to me that in today’s world, people are just too darn serious. You have to have fun and enjoy the time you have on this earth. Working in an addictions facility for several years, I came to realize that my clients often looked to the counselors to try to learn how to live “clean and sober.” After taking a look around at my staff, I wanted a drink! They were all far too serious, scurrying around and kvetching about the current edicts issued by senior management. Why should we expect our clients to want to get sober if this is what they have to look forward too? So, like a good addictions counselor, I reminded them of the serenity prayer…ya know, “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. . .” That went over like a lead balloon. Then I realized, I was just as guilty of being too serious. I had forgotten how to have fun. Lead by example I always say. Thankfully, I had a sweet little boy at home to remind me how to be goofy (or as shrinks would say, get in touch with my inner child). It is extremely liberating not only to be able to be silly, but also to not care if other people think you are a dork! Heck, laugh at me. Laugh with me. I don’t really care. Just laugh! But how…

Kids. Watch them. Laugh with them. They find the most inane things amusing. My son learned much of his alphabet by associating letters with disgusting words. B is for butt. C is for cat poopoo. D is for diarrhea. F is for fart….Okay, you get the idea. Although his kindergarten teacher did not appreciate it, we sure had fun. Kid songs can also either bring out that kid in you, or drive you crazy. Some of the most obnoxious (and I mean that in the nicest way) are Goober Peas, Skunk in My Trunk, Honker Ducky Dinger Jamboree (Sesame Street), and the theme song to the Smurfs. For those of you who have young kids, “Dads, Toddlers and the Chicken Dance” is a must-read—even if it is bathroom reading. About now you might be groaning, but think about it. How much happier are those people that act like juvenile delinquents—playing practical jokes, putting whoopee cushions on people’s chairs, whatever.

Okay, if you don’t have kids, there is always the computer. Yes, while you are waiting for a deposition, trying to get sleepy or just taking a break, logon and laugh. Some of the better sites are http://www.cleanjoke.com, http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh/, http://www.inspiredliving.com/humor/humor.htm, and of course there are a lot of not so clean sites I will let you find on your own. Hint: Google “The top things not to _______”

I hope this has brought a little smile to your day.

Laughter helps release endorphins and can improve your mood. An improved mood generally means it is easier to “play nice” with others. This leads to less conflict and …ta.da…less stress.

In Peace,

Dawn-Elise Snipes

All About Dawn-Elise Snipes

My name is Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes. I was born in Gainesville FL (Go Gators), lived in South Florida and Indiana most of my life. I graduated from the University of Florida many years ago with a Bachelors in Behavior Modification, a Master’s in Rehabilitation Counseling and a Doctorate in Counselor Education and Mental Health Counseling. I live in a homestead farm in Tennessee with my husband, two children, cats, dogs, chickens, ducks, donkeys, turtles and whatever else happens our way. I am an avid organic gardener. I usually plant squash, beans, peas, broccoli, cauliflower, zucchini, cantaloupe, watermelon, pumpkin, asparagus, kale, mustards, spinach, strawberries, blackberries, tomatoes, peppers, onions, garlic, oregano, basil and flowers for the bees. I love to cook. I am a vegetarian. I workout daily. In the evenings I usually am crocheting or doing some sort of simple craft. I am not super creative. I run my own business, AllCEUs Counselor Education and have written 3 books which are available to read for free on Amazon Kindle Unlimited 🙂

This blog is designed to be less formal in nature, and a place where I can share my tips and tools for health and happiness. If you are interested in the more formalized stuff, check out Https://youtube.com/docsnipes for my YouTube videos. You can also follow All_CEUs on pinterest, Instagram and twitter.

Some of my favorite authors include Marsha Linehan, Stephen Covey, SARK, and Matthew McKay.

Dr. Snipes’ accomplishments include:
Running a successful private practice in Florida, Tennessee and online since 2002.
Designing and running AllCEUs.com, an international counselor education program providing counselor training to over 100,000 professionals in 43 countries.
Working her way up from line clinician to department director supervising 9 residential and intensive outpatient programs in 3 counties from 1998-2011
Working as an assistant professor at the University of Florida’s Department of Counselor Education teaching “Stress Management and Wellness,” “Alcohol and Drug Awareness,” “Assessment and Testing,” “Eating Disorders Counseling,” and “Substance Abuse Counseling,”
Wellness Consultant for the Florida Police Benevolent Association and organizations nationally and internationally to improve their employee productivity, morale and longevity 2005-2012. She published quarterly in their statewide publication “Roll Call”
Presenting at several conferences throughout Florida, North Carolina and Tennessee
Podcast Host for Counselor Toolbox and Happiness Isn’t Brain Surgery
Counselor Toolbox was recently selected as one of the top mental health podcasts by Mental Health Roundup https://player.fm/featured/mental-health-roundup in addition to being selected as one of the Top 10 Social Work Podcasts for 2018 https://www.gradschools.com/programs/social-work/top-social-work-podcasts-and-influencers

Authoring
Journey to Recovery: A Comprehensive Guide to Recovery from Addiction and Mental Health Problems.
More than 250 articles as a columnist for the Police Benevolent Association, Alachua Today Newspaper, PoliceOne.com and Dr-is-In.com.
The Wellness Connection, a practical wellness text which has been used extensively in college stress management courses and recovery groups.
A fitness curriculum, for parents and children birth to five, which encourages positive family time, enhances self esteem, stimulates brain development and lays the foundation for a healthy lifestyle.
50 Tips for Depression Recovery (expected publication 6/2018)
Happiness Isn’t Brain Surgery: Practical Strategies to Live Happier (expected publication 12/2018)